MAN

 here i come with my unfiltered thoughts. i gotta get to the money,i might be selfish because lowkey,i want the money to myself only. i wanna live.greedy? no, selfish? kinda,ignorant? might be. im scared of the working environment to be clearly honest. i feel lazy and i really want to live life on easy mode. i mean everyone wishes for a easy life. easy money,easy life,easy bill payment,easy private jet. for sure everyone wants that. money is not everything. i spent obscene amount of money on myself and on some new experiences. just all alone. i enjoyed it. i find myself to be always saying that  i want to be better,a better man on everything,who is able to lead someone,lead himself,open to new experiences and to be not concerned about the result. just focusing on hustle. if im afraid to take accountability,manage things on my own, i shouldnt be talking about the hustle because this so called hustle comes with a package. pain,suffer,sweat,tears and blood. the fear of being seen...

Wednesday today. i woke up in the morning to go to class as usual. i had computer networking class in the morning at 8am. went there pretty late abt 15 minutes. as we know,i barely put effort into groupworks because i literally dont understand anything. i just be blank there without no clue abt whats happening. so this morning,madam came for the inspection, and wanted us to perform the networking stuff and she asked me some stuff. i didnt know what to do and she said what you did in the group and i said nothing.she asked me to do the networking stuff and to show it to her tomorrow. well she was cool. i felt something heavy on my chest and still i do. thinking abt how i didnt know anything and still i dont know anything. i dont understand most subs im studying and i dont understand my course as well. i came here because i didnt know what to do and now, i feel like i want to drop and pursue something i love which is music,designing,singing and creative thinking. im thinking of it but whe...

 im worser in home now,listening to sade now,as im listening and typing,im thinking of the ways to get out of this house,not because of hate but i feel trapped here,i feel happy when im not with my family. this feels toxic and i feel like im being manipulated by devil.im still not connected with god. im not answering to questions my parents asking and its absolutely absurd,i will admit it. as i was repeating the same mistake,my father asked me to get ouf of this house if i dont like staying here,so for some time im thinking of the ways to get out of this house and not to depend on their money,the thought of opening up or just talking irritating me. i really dont know why, i feel like the time my parents has is borrowed.i feel like something big is going to happen,it could be death or worser. i love my family and yes im selfish at some aspects. but i always chose to stand by my family, i always try to say the safest and less info abt my family when ppl ask abt them. Family is Everyt...

 im gon talk about how i feel staying home for few weeks. first and foremost, i feel like im drained,absolutely drained. im repeating the same routine again,going to my mom's shop,coming home,doing the chores,talk to someone and repeat. i feel so frustrated esp the thought of going to my moms shop killing me everyday. all i need is to be out,i cant find a job and hopefully i will. i know you will read this in the future and cringe because i guess you'd be more grown and stable by that time. im not connected with god,i just rant abt how i feel everyday to him. im not depressed neither any mental health issues,im just trying to live my life,do something new.thats all i want.my eyes getting wet these days, because of the frustration i feel,i want to rage and kill someone,thats how i feel. i find peace in night drives. i just want to stay home for a while because my home is not feeling like a home anymore and again, i hate going to my moms shop bcs obviously im a prestigious guy an...

 i dont know what to write,this site feels nostalgic,same with everything,the feeling of nostalgia. its insane to think about how we've grown throughout the time,evolving with the world. Hate is so normalized, why dont we try love. i'd like to share a quote of kendrick,where he stated in an interview, about love obviously. he quoted by saying that love is the root and the fruit to everything. I find it beautiful and whilst we talking about love,when did i create my own blog. feels like in 2023. even 2023 feels nostalgic, i miss those moments,better time are ahead,moving forward is the only choice. for sure everyone wants to feel past pretty moments atleast once again, we cant. lets say a time machine is invented, given to certain individuals, they have two options only,either travelling to the future or going back to the past to experience those pretty little moments. they'd choose going back because we dont know whats ahead of their present time. im just saying whatever is...